A sad clown smiles,
Helping others to forget
that which bring unease.
Morning my Andyvillians,
Keepin' it real and definitely keepin' it frugal describes my life of late. Though how can you really call it being frugal when you have no money to spend? Yup, it's reached an interesting new low. Allow me to provide a better update from my last blog, and don't mind that it was largely copied and pasted:
- Still have no job
- Have next to no money
- Have yet to receive an acceptance letter from any of the Universities to which I applied
Hope is definitely something I wish could be abandoned more easily. More often than not in recent months, I've tempered hope with an ever looming sense of despair. "I'm hopeful for this to come to pass" become "it probably won't happen." An opportunity for employment that I'm very, very excited about, which has yet to be entirely closed off to me, is a real life example of this. Reading the preferred requirements, I didn't think I had much of a chance, but with every bit of contact and dialogue between them (the employer) the sparking embers of hope increased in brightness and gave the impression of becoming a blaze.
Of course, the objective fueling my hope never came to fruition, so here I sit, mentally coming back up from the crash that followed the high. Yeah, I'm in one hell of a bad lately. Bad enough that everything seems tainted, even my beloved Bareman's. Even my Special Lady Friend is incorporated into a stressful situation: I have no job, so I have no money. I have no money for frivolity, so I can't take my Special Lady Friend out. Altogether, I'm one broke ass bitch with no end to my woes in sight.
Not that I haven't been trying to find employment, but it's not that simple these days. At least, it isn't that simple for me. Without running the mental gamut of emotions by listing off all the places to which I applied - unsuccessfully - for employment, be aware that I have done so to many; many of which haven't even yielded so much as an interview. From the ridiculously unpleasant jobs to the very desired jobs, nothing.
Relating to my waning sense of faith and loss of hope, there is also an incredible loss of self esteem inherent. It raises a very important and primal question: "what am I doing wrong?" Am I filling out the applications incorrectly? Am I not following up soon or often enough? Do I just suck at the interviewing process? Is there a tattoo screaming "DO NOT HIRE THIS LOSER" on my damn forehead?!?!
I'm aware of the job market and how, if a job opens up, that there are multitudes of applicants many of which that satisfy more than just the minimum requirements for the job. Yet, when it happens over and over and over, you begin to lose a lot more than just patience. Enough rejection and you might begin to lose a bit of sanity, among other things.
Stay Tuned my Andyvillians, I'll quit being Emo someday soon.
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