In the realm of politics, perhaps, Martin
Lawrence's catchphrase "can't we all just get along" has found it's
best application. Just because I'm an advocate of the right to bear arms does
not mean that I'm a 'publican. Likewise, because I support the ability for a
woman to choose to have an abortion does not make me a liberal, tree-hugging
hippie. Well, maybe I like to hug trees, but that's only because we need to
take better care of Mother Earf and so should everyone else for that matter.
Not that I really want to talk politics. I'm
not apolitical, mind you, but I have a very strong set of opinions and, like my
dingle berry encrusted anus, I prefer to keep such things to myself.
No, I'm very much like the Tubby Buddha
(whom really isn't Buddha at all); a man of the people who is eager to enjoy
and indulge in many of life's finer things. I keep friends in both high and low
places so that I can reach the greatest number of people, and in doing so teach
people a thing or two. Hell, I might even learn a thing or two while I'm about
my business.
So while others dwell on a political system
of voting for whoever is going to fuck us over less, I opt to keep focused on
smaller, though no less grand things. However, if you know just exactly what is
pictured above, you know it can tear a town apart nearly as much as any number
of differences in political ideology:
Jackson Coney Island Hot Dogs
Not to be intolerant, but if you think
Virginia's has the best to offer in Jackson, please leave my blog. You don't
have to stop reading, of course, but both your taste and intelligence are now
suspect. Consider Andy's Pizza the best or even second best in town then you
can straight away go to Hell. I would rather drink cold coffee filtered through
Snooki's herpes peppered asshole than eat a Coney from Andy's Pizza.
Like that? Snooki's herpes peppered asshole?
Grosses me out too, and I wouldn't doubt it. She's a dirty one that girl,
though girl is subjective. Oompa Loompa is a bit more accurate, which I'm not
sure they even have genders. Makes me wonder: do Oompa Loompas reproduce
asexually?
Moving on....
So, here we are, talking about a tried and
true recipe for something both gross and still a culinary masterpiece at the
same time. I say gross, because if you've ever smelled a Coney Island Hot Dog,
it's not that dissimilar from a teenage boy's aromatic armpit after a long day
at the sandlot in summertime after a weekend at Cedar Point. Sounds putrid
doesn't it? Make you want to sink your teeth into one right now?
Despite being able to clear out a room, the
odd clashing of flavors - and it has to be a cheap, "made from lips and
assholes" hot dog - finds their way comfortably into our memories. The
wonderfully seasoned beef heart that makes up the sauce, the lil' fresh onions
diced on top, and a thin blanket of mustard to spruce it up; all of this on a
cheap bun and dog culminate into an experience much like Spam. And like Spam,
you either hate it or will defend it with your life and testify that it is as
important a part of your life as a parent or a cousin are parts of your
life.
The formula can be messed with too. Try some
'kraut on your next Coney. A glass of chocolate milk works as well, odd though
that it may sound. Blasphemously put some ketchup if you dare, for it does
taste good on occasion. Hell, you can even get it in the form of a pizza, which
is a perfect time to mention the Jackson establishment that believe has the
very best Coney Island Hot Dogs in town: Jaxon Pizza Factory.
On the corner of Waterloo and North St,
Jaxon Pizza Factory serves up a variety of dishes. None so mightily as
satisfying as their pizza and their Coney Dogs, which are still only $1. Never
have they disappointed me with their Coney Dogs, and certainly I cannot recall
them experimenting with something other than beef heart being used in the Coney
sauce (I'm looking at you Virginia's).
Of course, I can rant and rave, but it's ultimately
your own gustatory discernment that will decide your favorite. Give 'em a go.
Go eat some Coney's at any number of places we have in town, for I do the same
on a regular basis.
I will, however, always view Jaxon Pizza
Factory as the end-all of Coney's in the great Coney debate.
