Ma'ma said there'd be days like this.....

Right now I feel very much like a plague ridden, bubonic encrusted leper. Wrong description perhaps, but I can't breathe for shit right now, and I would kill a whole gaggle of bitches in order to save myself this bit of stress. Maybe I'd burn down an orphanage, two even. Were both nostrils as congested as the one is, I'd burn down every single orphanage on Earf (yes, EARF) in order to relieve myself of this ailment.

Still, I try and maintain a semblance of positivity, despite it being difficult right now, thanks to this cold/allergy issue I'm experiencing. Cue the pic above, which gave me a hell of a smile. Brings to mind a question: "what mundane things would you do had you the Force as your ally? Wash dishes? Mop the floor? Fold laundry? Maybe help secure yourself a spot on your city's NBA team, WOW'ing the crowds with your incredible Three Point sinking skills?

Feeling very at odds with myself. Choices have been made that I regret one moment, and have full confidence in the next moment. Self doubt from a year of depression lingers, and I'm scared of the immediate future. The past becomes the future I've heard, and right now I'm watching my past strongly become my future.

How can I fight this I ask myself? How can I turn things around to give me the necessary confidence that things won't turn to shit as they have in the past? Things seem to be heading in the right direction at the moment, but let's see if that holds; let's see if stuff will continue looking up.

Something that is mind numbing is the progression of my thoughts from thinking "that people are inherently good" to "people are inherently selfish animals." I want to think the best of people, but I've been shit on by people that ought to have been taking care of me. The Army warped me and shit on me. Dept heads at a school I'm attending have shit on me. My boss at work has been slowly handing my the shit end of the stick, despite me busting my ass while on the clock and getting the damn job done.

There are some examples of people that are very good people. Phanny B for example is a good person; so good even that makes me nervous. My parents have been nothing but good, but I've never thought otherwise in that case. Family is generally good, but if I wasn't family, would they still be as good to me? I think they would, but you can never be too sure.

Ah well.....on to more superficial things.

Tattoos are therapy to me. Not that I don't have enough work already, but I'm getting the itch for even more. Not a random, off the wall of flash selection, but one that I've been planning for some time. For example, I've want to start a massive tree I've been planning for a few years now. It'll stretch from left shoulder to lower right thigh and be the kind of piece that makes your eyes pop a little bit. Pictured below is a bit of a rough sketch of my idea. Ignore the chub if you would, heh.

Pretty neat idea, don't you agree? Nowhere near as expansive as what I have in mind, but you get an idea. Have to work with the four wise men across my upper back, but that was always my intention as well.

Well, I'm a little bored of writing, and I've got stuff to cross of my to-do list. I'll catch up again sooner or later.

Ta-ta for now.